Hard work

Writing is proving very hard work.and I have little luck with it either.
Awake at five this morning I started a descriptive piece about dead ships becalmed on a deathly sea; a metaphor for the way I feel these days; you never guessed that I’ll bet. I’d almost finished it when I hit the wrong button and all the text disappeared. This caused some expletives , but undoubtedly saved the world from some very disturbed prose.

Maybe my psychotic ramblings should stay put, but then that leaves me nothing to write about because in the world of the Bewidowed nothing ever happens.

I’ve been tidying my cell because space is precious and there’s no room for oxygen in here. Calmly I threw out several binbags filled with recent comfort shopping until I came across the few things I still have of Tony. I tried and I cried but I couldn’t discard his old T shirts, his slippers or his battered sun-hat. They can be packed away but must stay within reach.
I’m a sad case I know, but I’m like a witch with her dried herbs and her mummy dust. She can’t conjure her demons without them and I can’t reach the comfort of Tony’s love without the feel and smell of his possessions.
Love may not last forever but you can blow on the ashes and get a little heat.

It's ALL in the mind, sometimes

I've been reading Michael Allen on Sarno's mind/body studies. I agree completely about back pain and strong emotions . I had 'fibrositis' as a child , adolescent and young woman, during which period I was not a happy or well-adjusted person. Later my emotions stabilised and so curiously did my back trouble.
I have had back pain since, but I can always attribute it now to picking things up badly or twisting my leg on a stone etc.

Anyway my mind is currently limiting my capacity to live to the max. I'm far from sorted, but I am trying to get both bits to work together so more Tai Chi today!

Must get a routine

Get a routine...........Right......................... A routine means something I do every day or every few days right?

Like wishing I didn't have to wake up? No.... too negative.
Like weeding the garden? No.........too wet.
Like getting a job?.........at my age?

OK

Like going back to Art class?............ Yes, class starts again this week, still time to make my mark.
Like getting some exercise?.......... Yes,Tai Chi this time, slow and gentle, not too painful afterwards.
Like emailing my friends?.......... Yes,well I've sent them this url.
Like writing.........Yes, mostly positive, psychologically therapeutic, creative sortta. All that good stuff.

Okay I am writing.
Unfortunately I haven't come up with any new story ideas yet and I can't face the old ones.
But I am writing sortta, reminiscing over on 'Whatever Comes.......' It gets the arthritis a little movement anyway.

Caution: Don't look if you're feeling low, it won't lift you up.

Resolutions

'resolutions' sound like a special kind of promise.
I s'pose that's because they get broken faster than any ordinary promise. So none here.

I shall endeavour to be healthier, wiser and kinder this year, but the superhuman effort required to formulate these desires may test the limits of my strength.

Already I have prevaricated until tonight before writing anything .

I love the word 'prevarication' don't you? It sounds long-winded and overblown, just like me when I say I'm too busy to write. You saying you didn't notice?

I count rain drops and huff on the window to make one drop go faster than it's neighbour, now that's busy.