“Seventy-six per cent of Finland is covered in trees.”

One vast firry blanket. How many trees is that?

I can’t do the maths. I never could, too many variables.

But I looked on a map and all the rest is wet.

So where would you find the folk?

Do they stand amid trees, arms pressed close at their sides, listening as the forest falls? Do Gnomes make sport and haunt poor woody Finns?

I don’t know. Can this be?

The map says people live in the South, where the water is.

Maybe up to their necks in lakes, catching fish in their mouths? While runic eels entwine their legs ?

Then again, perhaps not.

Whatever did happen to the humans; now, maddened Moomins work the factories, drink vodka and plot ‘The Doom of Europe’.

Nokian ringtones taking revenge for the lumber industry.