Mirages?

Made it to 28,000 words today. The last week hasn't been easy.The desire to give up came over me, but I fought it off.

It happens every time.
I start something "creative" full of ideas and enthusiasm. After a couple of weeks, more or less, I get major doubts about my project and this has often led to complete disenchantment, followed by abandonment of the project which is never spoken of again.

In the years I went to university I had the self-destruct button taped over because I couldn't let myself fail at something I'd wanted to do so badly. I had to prove something as a mature student to the university and to the doubters.

Then later, working with Tony I was proving something to me and anybody else that was interested. I was not about to walk out on my new career either.I had too much invested in my relationship with Tony to let me give up then.

I wonder if that's partly why I fought hard to make him fight against the cancer?
I lost that battle and most other important things too.
Since 2005 it's been one step forward and two steps back until quite recently.

I can now see one thing through at a time, but only if I really concentrate. Some things have been allowed to slide into oblivion but I am making a strong effort with the writing. I'm still a long way from completing a whole novel, but I can see it shimmering out there.

This time maybe it won't turn out to be another mirage.

Plodding On

Just over 16.5 thousand and plodding on.

I wrote the first 3 chapters then went over them yesterday to add in more plot points and character details.
I want this 1st draft to be readable and really seem like the beginning of a good story.

Now I shall move on with the action.
One thing I'm really enjoying this time is that my characters seem to be writing their own dialogue without much help from me.
I do have an outline and some notion of an ending, but I'm starting to think that my lead characters are going to tell their story, not my idea of what their story should be. I'm pleased about that.

Soggy Sunday

Cold as well as wet and windy today, but still managed a couple of dry 'though short dog walks.

I'm trying to take my time writing my story this year. In the past I've rushed through determined to get to the end before I lose faith in the basic idea of the story thus ending up with only a glorified outline and plenty of gaps.

I intend to write a couple of chapters and then delay gratification by going back over those chapters to round out my characters or lay a proper setting for the ensuing action. Hopefully this will result in a better read at the end of November. I don't mind if I haven't completed my story by then. In fact that might act as the spur I need to keep working on it.

Only a couple of thou words today. But I nevertheless managed to burn the risotto I was cooking for lunch and forgot to go get my Flu jab.

Wind is howling , rain is hammering at the window. Cheese on toast for tea methinks.

Procrastination Station

Day 2 of this year's Nano and after a good start yesterday I'm making excuses and dithering before getting anything done today.


I like to write in the morning, but this is a Saturday and I have stuff to do. I need to do some washing and more importantly I need to take a proper look at my car. I dented it yesterday, stupid fool and shied away from a close examination.

I think the damage is fairly superficial but may still need to get somebody else to repair it. I don't want to do that because bodywork is SO costly. Hopefully I can bodge it up myself. The car needs it's MOT this month anyway, maybe the garage will give me a decent deal?

The big question is why am I drizzling on about the car and ignoring my NaNo work?

Dunno, but concerned................

Once more into the fray

Still haven't done the 2nd draft of last year's NaNoWriMo novel, but I have written incidents that are hopefully adding to the story. I've also done shed-loads more research, too much actually because most of it gets mislaid in my mind. I lack self-discipline, obviously, and probably talent too but need something to keep the shadows away.

Last year I vowed to start on the 2nd draft in January, but didn't touch it till April and have only occasionally prodded myself into little chunks of writing. I guess I've done maybe 6-8,000 extra words which need to be slotted into the main flow.

I'm not abandoning my 3 Sisters. I do love my stories. I've even written a few bits on my Thera opus recently.


Sooooooo.In an attempt to revive my flagging creativity I'm tackling NaNo again this year. I enjoy the daily slog. I hope I can keep it up past the 30th of November. This year's piece is a romance set in North Africa in the 17th Century. There will be blood and guts and hopefully intrigue as well because I certainly can't write 50,000 words of mushy stuff.

Post NaNo Blues

I finished NaNo again. Small hoorah for me.



Now I'm in a slump. The days are far too long, the weather is too damn cold and I have the miseries.



I'm s'posed to be researching for the 2nd draft, due to commence in the New Year, date as yet undecided, but I started reading 'Wolf Hall' and I'm back in thrall to Hilary Mantel's writing.

I read 'A Place of Greater Safety' a loooong time ago and she brought that time and place to life in the most complete way. I'd never read any novels on the French Revolution before apart from 'A Tale of Two Cities' as a teenager and after reading her book I've not felt the need.

For some reason I can't fathom I haven't been able to get on with her non-historical novels; I've tried twice to read 'Beyond Black' and given up in despair.



I ignored 'Wolf Hall' when it first came out because I wasn't reading fiction at all at that point, but when the brouhaha started about 'Bring Up the Bodies' I decided to get both books. I started reading 'Wolf Hall' the night before last and was hooked in the first 3 pages. Oh Dear Lord! I wish I could write like that.



So Ms Mantel is also to blame for my glooms because her brilliance makes my efforts seem so feeble that I could cry. Howmsoever I shan't give up on '3 Sisters'; there is room for trash as well as genius in books.



Speaking of trash I was dismayed when I read Ian Rankin's 'Knots and Crosses', his first Rebus book, it's crap, utter crap. I couldn't believe how contrived the plot is and how poorly it's written. I read it because he was interviewed for the BBC's 'Imagine' series and in that programme I was thrilled to hear that he writes in a similar way to my method.

My initial thoughts were 'Oh Goody! A successful novelist who makes it up as he goes along without knowing what the ending will be, just like me.' But if 'Knots and Crosses' is typical of his output I have no desire to emulate him, successful or not.




Memo to self: must read at least one more of his books to be fair.