Ours is not a caravan of despair

It has been a dismal year for me. I don't want to review it except to say that I wasted it in petty anxieties.

Life is what you make of it to a large extent and anyone would think I had a hundred years ahead of me the way I fail to use the days well or wisely.

I've been reading lots more Rumi recently, there's so much of his writing and I love to read favourite verses in different translations because I get something new each time.

This piece warms me and gives me hope for the year ahead.


Come, come, whoever you are-

Wanderer; worshiper, lover of leaving-

What does it matter?

Ours is not a caravan of despair.

Even if you have broken your vows

A hundred times-

Come, come again, come.

All done and dusted

Christmas is over, sighs of relief. I've never been a fan of these festivities; bad shit has often dumped on me around Christmas time and that can resonate every year if I let it but I try hard not to.

The religious aspect of Christmas is an optional add-on for most people, now that I'm a sort of post-Christian it doesn't concern me as much as it used to, but the alcohol fuelled gorging is hardly a pagan Midwinter celebration either and watching drunks when you're stone-cold sober has little entertainment value.


Now I just have to nurse the dog through New Year's Eve and we can get back to reality. I quite like reality.

I'm feeling a tad cheerful about 2014, only a tad mind. I don't want to wax enthusiastic in case some malevolent spirit seizes on that thought so here's a cautiously optimistic hope for a good 2014 for all my family and friends.

Reading

Post trickles in this time of year.
I found a book on t'internet that I desperately wanted. I ordered it from Amazon with an expected delivery of beginning Jan and it came today; the minions scuttling about in Amazon's warehouse get a big Merry Christmas from me. Thanks Guys Have a Good one!!!

The book 'Blood and Faith' is the only modern telling of the expulsion of the Moriscos from 1609 onwards. The bulk of Christmas is now totally occupado.

Feeling Virtuous

Posted all my Christmas cards and emailed everyone I ought to at this time of year.
I wish it were a season of Goodwill, but it doesn't feel that way often. I give to charities in December every year and then spend the other 11 months not thinking about them much at all.
I wish I could see something out the window that isn't grey, even 2 or 3 variations in the GREY would be helpful....but there it is.. Winter in the West country. Maybe I'll emigrate.

Three things in the Post today

Today 3 things of great importance arrived today.

1/ A biography, mercifully not overlong, of Ahmad Al-Mansur. No I had never heard of him either until a couple of months ago. He was a contemporary of Elizabeth 1 and ruled Morocco. He's important to my current W.I.P. He started out as a background figure, but now 50,000 words later he's demanding more attention. This book must be brooded over at length and absorbed.

2/ As my Christmas present to me, 'Assassin's Creed 2'. I just really want to play this. I haven't played any computer games, aside from Mahjong, for several years. Following online reviews I decided that Assassin's Creed 1 might put me off gaming again for good so I plumped for 2. It sounds totally fascinating. I MUST keep my paws off it until Christmas.

3/ Package ripped open and contents put to use immediately, my new coffee fixer. This is a long-running saga but to cut to the important bit; my last coffee pot worked great then someone told me it had been taken off the market in the USA some years ago because it was liable to 'sudden and catastrophic failure'. It had to go , Boo Hoo. The new one is a double walled, stainless steel coffee press. I was dubious about it because the last cafetiere I tried, a glass one,was pathetic. This one seems really good. It filters the coffee well and keeps it HOT. I think it may become my new best friend.

Brightening the place up a bit

I'm trying (Uh oh. She's making excuses already)
All right I am actually improving this blog's appearance. It will be a slow change though because I'm not techie at all; I used to be back in the days when everything was driven by steam and big brass wheels, but compared with today I'm a Dodo.

At any rate, changes are afoot. Watch this space.

Reading my way out of 2013

Settling into December and trying to catch up on my reading.

I have a pile of books that I'm part-way through:

'Daughter of Fortune' Isabel Allende (I have 2 more of her books as yet untouched),
'The Curse of Chalion' Lois McMaster Bujold (never read any of her stuff before but was drawn by this one because she's set it in an alternate/sort of Andalusia),
'Captain Blood' Rafael Sabatini (known about this book since I was a kid but only now getting through it, reading because Blood's a swash-buckling hero).

Untouched books that I want to read a.s.a.p.include;
Dorothy Dunnett 'Pawn in Frankincense' because it centres on Constantinople
and especially Ford Madox Ford's 'Parade's End' which I've been longing to get into since I saw it serialised on tv with Benedict Cumberbatch's amazing Tietjens.

plus a mess of non-fiction that's too long to list.

My eyes are going to drop out of my head soon.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Got through NaNo again this year.
I am pleased, but now my conscience is really nagging at me.
'What about all those poor un-finished stories from last year and the year before and the year before that?'

I think I like NaNoWriMo because it's become fairly easy to do and I can kid myself that I am really trying to be a writer.
I guess I need to bite the bullet or summat and finish off those beautiful stories, then I'll find out if they really are beautiful.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Mirages?

Made it to 28,000 words today. The last week hasn't been easy.The desire to give up came over me, but I fought it off.

It happens every time.
I start something "creative" full of ideas and enthusiasm. After a couple of weeks, more or less, I get major doubts about my project and this has often led to complete disenchantment, followed by abandonment of the project which is never spoken of again.

In the years I went to university I had the self-destruct button taped over because I couldn't let myself fail at something I'd wanted to do so badly. I had to prove something as a mature student to the university and to the doubters.

Then later, working with Tony I was proving something to me and anybody else that was interested. I was not about to walk out on my new career either.I had too much invested in my relationship with Tony to let me give up then.

I wonder if that's partly why I fought hard to make him fight against the cancer?
I lost that battle and most other important things too.
Since 2005 it's been one step forward and two steps back until quite recently.

I can now see one thing through at a time, but only if I really concentrate. Some things have been allowed to slide into oblivion but I am making a strong effort with the writing. I'm still a long way from completing a whole novel, but I can see it shimmering out there.

This time maybe it won't turn out to be another mirage.

Plodding On

Just over 16.5 thousand and plodding on.

I wrote the first 3 chapters then went over them yesterday to add in more plot points and character details.
I want this 1st draft to be readable and really seem like the beginning of a good story.

Now I shall move on with the action.
One thing I'm really enjoying this time is that my characters seem to be writing their own dialogue without much help from me.
I do have an outline and some notion of an ending, but I'm starting to think that my lead characters are going to tell their story, not my idea of what their story should be. I'm pleased about that.

Soggy Sunday

Cold as well as wet and windy today, but still managed a couple of dry 'though short dog walks.

I'm trying to take my time writing my story this year. In the past I've rushed through determined to get to the end before I lose faith in the basic idea of the story thus ending up with only a glorified outline and plenty of gaps.

I intend to write a couple of chapters and then delay gratification by going back over those chapters to round out my characters or lay a proper setting for the ensuing action. Hopefully this will result in a better read at the end of November. I don't mind if I haven't completed my story by then. In fact that might act as the spur I need to keep working on it.

Only a couple of thou words today. But I nevertheless managed to burn the risotto I was cooking for lunch and forgot to go get my Flu jab.

Wind is howling , rain is hammering at the window. Cheese on toast for tea methinks.

Procrastination Station

Day 2 of this year's Nano and after a good start yesterday I'm making excuses and dithering before getting anything done today.


I like to write in the morning, but this is a Saturday and I have stuff to do. I need to do some washing and more importantly I need to take a proper look at my car. I dented it yesterday, stupid fool and shied away from a close examination.

I think the damage is fairly superficial but may still need to get somebody else to repair it. I don't want to do that because bodywork is SO costly. Hopefully I can bodge it up myself. The car needs it's MOT this month anyway, maybe the garage will give me a decent deal?

The big question is why am I drizzling on about the car and ignoring my NaNo work?

Dunno, but concerned................

Once more into the fray

Still haven't done the 2nd draft of last year's NaNoWriMo novel, but I have written incidents that are hopefully adding to the story. I've also done shed-loads more research, too much actually because most of it gets mislaid in my mind. I lack self-discipline, obviously, and probably talent too but need something to keep the shadows away.

Last year I vowed to start on the 2nd draft in January, but didn't touch it till April and have only occasionally prodded myself into little chunks of writing. I guess I've done maybe 6-8,000 extra words which need to be slotted into the main flow.

I'm not abandoning my 3 Sisters. I do love my stories. I've even written a few bits on my Thera opus recently.


Sooooooo.In an attempt to revive my flagging creativity I'm tackling NaNo again this year. I enjoy the daily slog. I hope I can keep it up past the 30th of November. This year's piece is a romance set in North Africa in the 17th Century. There will be blood and guts and hopefully intrigue as well because I certainly can't write 50,000 words of mushy stuff.